NLP Meta Model: Deletion, Distortion & Generalization
What is the NLP Meta Model? Learn its 3 parts - deletion, distortion and generalization - what it is good for, and its limits.
Written by Niels AmmerlaanLicensed Master Trainer of NLP · Updated
Guess what, usage of the NLP Meta Model and Rapport can be dangerous! The Meta-Model can easily reduce or break rapport. Actually it requires that the subject you are talking with break or reduce rapport with you by themselves, by tuning out the world and searching in their minds. By tuning out the world, they are reducing sensory contact with you while they do lots of deeper and deeper searches through their internal experience to answer your questions.
Your aim in working with clients is to make the information they output verbally complete. Remember that we Delete, Distort and Generalize in our communication. So your aim in any conversation is to maintain Rapport and to scan for what is not there in the verbal communication. Remember that!
When I was first learning the Meta-Model, I wanted to run out and use the Meta-Model with everyone – I was like a kid in a candy store. And I learned it before I got good at physical rapport building. Sure enough, I did use the Meta-Model frequently at first. And I annoyed most of my friends and family and new acquaintances. I got good at it, but, no one wanted to talk to me for a week or two. Which did not help things.
So to figure out what I did done wrong, I had to take a few steps back. I had to realise that at the time, I had not yet begun to building some internal checks in and around each question I was asking. I wanted to build in checks to find out if the people I was talking with were still enjoying our conversations, if they were in physical and verbal rapport with me, etc.
If you do not yet know much about nonverbal rapport, I recommend you read “The Definitive Guide to Body Language” by Allan and Barbara Pease.
So the Meta-Model breaks rapport or can contribute to losing rapport. Also, the Meta-Model itself is Recursive, which means you could use the same kind of questions over and over again, as you drill deeper and deeper into the details of someone’s subjectivity. So you could be running a never-ending search for more information with increasingly “accurate” details. So, you have to know or feel when you have got enough information to work with and stop before the rapport is lost because you annoy or bore your subject to death.
All recursion into greater detail needs a base case, which stops further action. That base case is your internal intuition that say “I have enough information” or your external imagination that shows a complete enough picture.
Another useful tool is the usage of softeners and a non-invasive voice tonality. Being challenging usually does not help. The usage of softeners elegantly, even in the face of disparate views, people still can feel a deep sense of rapport towards it. Have you ever felt in deep rapport with someone while you are agreeing to disagree?
As already spoken of; it helps to sweeten the pill by rephrasing your questions. The moment you position your questions like it is an interrogation, you loose rapport. And ultimately you loose the trust of the person you are working with. So to get you started and to help you rephrase your questions, we provide you some examples here:
First of all, when you get started with the NLP Meta Model we suggest you start reading. Even more important, write down examples so you create your own library, a knowledge-base that works for you.
Take a simple part of the NLP Meta Model. Let’s say you go for Simple Deletion. In a random conversation you start to scan for what the other person is saying. Whilst doing that you maintain Rapport. The moment you recognize the Simple Deletion, you start to ask questions to reveal the Simple Deletion. Remember the questions you asked and the results you booked. Happy Exercising!
Ok, you have come to the end of this article about The NLP Meta Model and Rapport. Remember, to increase your efficiency as a NLP Practitioner, know your positive intention for the message you want to convey, build rapport and pay attention on what and how you use language. Leave people and business in a better place that where you found them, every day! Put yourself to work and start making the NLP Meta Model part of your knowledge. The sooner you start, the sooner you benefit. The more you keep your eyes on the prize, the more you build rapport, the more time you have left for formulating unique Meta Model questions that generate results!
Mind Tools provides NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner Trainings and Certifications. We educate you according to the renowned, latest and highest standards set by the Society of NLP. We will train you thoroughly in all the corners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and some extras we learned from Dr. Richard Bandler directly.
About the author
Licensed Master Trainer of NLP (Society of NLP) · Managing Partner, Mind Tools
Niels has trained and coached leaders, teams and individuals in Thailand and Europe for more than 30 years. He teaches the Licensed NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner courses in Bangkok.
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